Her story: My husband of 19 years says he wants a divorce but is willing to just stick around for 4 more years until my son goes to college. He has destroyed everything we had. He never even gave me a clue that something is amiss in our relationship. I did everything for him, right from turning his empty flat into a home, to taking care of his parents, having kids, feeding everyone, and everything. I even left my job when he asked me to, so that I could take care of the house. He earned and I took care of the rest. What should I do if I don’t want a divorce? I have nowhere else to go.

His story: Yes I seem cruel that I want to divorce my wife after 19 years but it’s quite unbelievable that she had no clue something was wrong between us! We have not had any level of intimacy for the past 3 years. We hardly have anything to talk about. There are no common interests left. It is like being stagnant in a relationship with no future. I am not having an affair but I do want to be with someone who adds something to my life. Our son has grown up and I feel if we talk to him, he will understand too. But my wife does not want a divorce. What should I do?

Expert advice by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach at Predictions For Success:

The idea of love is not riveted only around physical pleasure. Over the years, spending so much time together, there is bound to be profound emotional attachment backing your ups and downs. There is a strengthened philosophy that has brought your togetherness this far, and there is unquantified love beyond your mediocre understanding.

For Her

It is so unfortunate that after 19 years of this journey, you are alarmed by an evil omen called divorce. But, this is not the time to get baffled. You have done everything possible to turn a simple home into a haven. Now, nothing can invalidate your dedication and prolonged sacrifices, not even a divorce. We suggest you ask your husband to confront the inconveniences he has been facing because of you. Try to listen to him and then figure out how you need to conduct yourself to bring the lost charm of your relationship. As a wife, you know his likes and dislikes, you know his comfort and atmosphere. Try to fill that with your abundance of love, everything will be settled.

For Him

The idea of intimacy is not only driven by sexual contentment. We don’t trivialize the importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship, however, it is not the sole factor to keep a relationship going. You need to understand this basic science of sexual health that after a certain age, several people gradually lose interest in intercourse. It may occur for various reasons. Your wife must have been burdened by many responsibilities, including looking after your young son. You need to make her sit to discuss whatever is going wrong between you both. There is no point in filing for divorce when you both can rekindle love once again. As a couple, you know the best for each other. Just act accordingly and enjoy the beautiful life God has blessed you with.

*We also suggest seeing a marriage counsellor if you feel you are unable to solve the matter. Try everything so that you have no regrets.

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