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Her story: I had no clue my husband was married before. He also has a 3-year-old daughter from his first marriage. It was a mutual divorce but keeping me in the dark is not done. I discovered the truth after 3 months of our wedding. I feel cheated. I don’t know what more has been kept from me. I don’t think I can trust him to go on like this. His whole family is a liar. What should I do?
His story: I love my wife and I thought I have finally found the right partner. I did not tell my wife about my first marriage which my family arranged. I never got along with her anyway. Yes we had a daughter and she is amazing but after the divorce, my wife won the custody and she doesn’t even let me meet her. My daughter was just a year old when we walked separate ways. I hid all this because I did not want my hurtful past to affect my present and future. My ex and I are not even in touch. My new wife has stopped talking to me and says she cannot trust me anymore. I know I could have handled this better but things are just getting worse. What can I do to stop her? Please help.
Response by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder, and Relationship Coach at Predictions for Success
A strong marriage requires trust as a foundational component. One of the most vital aspects of your relationship, and a fundamental component of any lifetime commitment, is your ability to trust one another. Your relationship will become less fulfilling if there is no trust.
Her story
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, therefore it’s critical to choose a partner you can trust and confide your thoughts, feelings, and anxieties in. But as you noted, as soon as you learned that your husband had previously been married and had a daughter from that marriage, your trust in him as a husband was shattered. I understand that you must be experiencing rage, betrayal, and despair. Communication is crucial in this case. You should calmly address the details of the situation with your husband.
Tell him that you feel betrayed and broken after learning this. Allow him to elaborate on his reasons, intentions and motivations while you try to comprehend his side of the story. There’s a good possibility you’ll find out that he lied because he wanted to marry you and didn’t want to lose you. Marriage is a beautiful bond and it surely deserves a second chance. But ultimately, the choice is yours. You must choose if you want to give the marriage another chance or move through with the divorce after having a thorough chat with him and considering the situation from all angles.
You should consult with your family as this is a significant decision. You could also seek the assistance of a relationship professional since this is a really stressful situation. A relationship expert is a professional and someone who has the tactics and strategies to achieve the desired results in relationships. Your mental health is essential, and you should take care not to compromise it in any way, no matter your choice.
His story
Marriage is a beautiful relationship and is based on trust. It’s not a good indicator to lie in marriage just because you love your spouse. As you mentioned that your past marriage was a failure and you are no longer in touch with your ex-wife and daughter. And now your present wife doesn’t trust you anymore. This is a situation where you need to win her trust back. To begin with, you must really apologise to your wife. Then, you must explain to her in great detail why you lied to her. Let her know how much you love her by being absolutely honest when expressing your thoughts and feelings.
She needs a lot of love and care from you because her trust has been betrayed. Additionally, since your entire family is involved in this situation, they should all express their regret and ask for her apology. Do everything it takes to persuade her that you genuinely care for her and that you would never deceive her again. The choice is now hers once you have explained your contribution. She will be the one to make the decision of whether or not to remain in the marriage.
Alternatively, you two may see a relationship expert to discuss the whole thing. You will be given a safe space by the expert to express your feelings and opinions. This will enable the two of you to make the greatest choice for your wedding.
Read also: 11 things that waste your time during the day
Read also: “My husband is stealing money from our joint account for someone else”
His story: I love my wife and I thought I have finally found the right partner. I did not tell my wife about my first marriage which my family arranged. I never got along with her anyway. Yes we had a daughter and she is amazing but after the divorce, my wife won the custody and she doesn’t even let me meet her. My daughter was just a year old when we walked separate ways. I hid all this because I did not want my hurtful past to affect my present and future. My ex and I are not even in touch. My new wife has stopped talking to me and says she cannot trust me anymore. I know I could have handled this better but things are just getting worse. What can I do to stop her? Please help.
Response by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder, and Relationship Coach at Predictions for Success
A strong marriage requires trust as a foundational component. One of the most vital aspects of your relationship, and a fundamental component of any lifetime commitment, is your ability to trust one another. Your relationship will become less fulfilling if there is no trust.
Her story
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, therefore it’s critical to choose a partner you can trust and confide your thoughts, feelings, and anxieties in. But as you noted, as soon as you learned that your husband had previously been married and had a daughter from that marriage, your trust in him as a husband was shattered. I understand that you must be experiencing rage, betrayal, and despair. Communication is crucial in this case. You should calmly address the details of the situation with your husband.
Tell him that you feel betrayed and broken after learning this. Allow him to elaborate on his reasons, intentions and motivations while you try to comprehend his side of the story. There’s a good possibility you’ll find out that he lied because he wanted to marry you and didn’t want to lose you. Marriage is a beautiful bond and it surely deserves a second chance. But ultimately, the choice is yours. You must choose if you want to give the marriage another chance or move through with the divorce after having a thorough chat with him and considering the situation from all angles.
You should consult with your family as this is a significant decision. You could also seek the assistance of a relationship professional since this is a really stressful situation. A relationship expert is a professional and someone who has the tactics and strategies to achieve the desired results in relationships. Your mental health is essential, and you should take care not to compromise it in any way, no matter your choice.
His story
Marriage is a beautiful relationship and is based on trust. It’s not a good indicator to lie in marriage just because you love your spouse. As you mentioned that your past marriage was a failure and you are no longer in touch with your ex-wife and daughter. And now your present wife doesn’t trust you anymore. This is a situation where you need to win her trust back. To begin with, you must really apologise to your wife. Then, you must explain to her in great detail why you lied to her. Let her know how much you love her by being absolutely honest when expressing your thoughts and feelings.
She needs a lot of love and care from you because her trust has been betrayed. Additionally, since your entire family is involved in this situation, they should all express their regret and ask for her apology. Do everything it takes to persuade her that you genuinely care for her and that you would never deceive her again. The choice is now hers once you have explained your contribution. She will be the one to make the decision of whether or not to remain in the marriage.
Alternatively, you two may see a relationship expert to discuss the whole thing. You will be given a safe space by the expert to express your feelings and opinions. This will enable the two of you to make the greatest choice for your wedding.
Read also: 11 things that waste your time during the day
Read also: “My husband is stealing money from our joint account for someone else”
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