Her story: I recently found out that my husband is cheating on me. We have a 5-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old boy. I read his messages and caught on to a few things he does. The worst part is that the woman is my neighbour. I don’t know what to do. My entire life has come crashing down. He did not even think about his children. Here I have been taking care of his household while balancing it with my job. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him?
His story: I will be honest, I no longer feel attracted to my wife. It has got nothing to do with her looks but more about her attitude. She keeps fighting and yelling. She snaps at me all the time. Last year I met a very nice woman, she had just shifted in next door. She is calm, simple and understands me. More than the physical pleasure, I feel understood emotionally. Should I leave my wife and take part custody of my kids? I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore.
Response by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder, and Relationship Coach at Predictions for Success:
Marriages of all kinds are susceptible to infidelity. That goes for both seemingly happy marriages and ones with many issues. Lack of physical and emotional connection are two extremely significant factors in why a partner seeks love outside of marriage. Infidelity can be extremely painful emotionally. However, many marriages succeed when both partners are dedicated to mending their relationship and repairing it. In some circumstances, they could even get stronger as the intimacy grows.
Her Story
It can be quite distressing when an affair is revealed. As you indicated, you have been married for years and that you have two kids, and you have just learned about the affair. I am aware that you may be experiencing shock, rage, worry, self-blame, grief, loneliness, etc. The first thing you must do is give yourself time to process what has just happened. Do not attempt to suppress your feelings; instead, let your mind feel the agony. Don’t go through this difficult situation by yourself.
You should be around a close friend or family member right now since you need both physical and emotional support. Alternatively, you can talk to someone close to you about your feelings to give your mind a break and some space. Once you’ve absorbed everything, you need to think about it in a helpful way. Communication is a strong tool for problem-solving. Find a convenient time and place to discuss this with your husband. make sure your children are not present while the two of you discuss this. Keep your anger in control while talking, as it will only result in conflict rather than conversation.
Keep calm and pay attention to any reasons he gives for this cheating. Don’t dive into the intimate details of the affair straight away, as it will only hurt your feelings. Also, be honest about how you feel about the entire thing. Once both of you have made your points, it’s time to make a marriage-related decision. I would suggest giving your marriage another chance since you have two children together. You should both pay close attention to the causes of this failure. Find out why he cheated. whether he had any issues with you.
If you want to save this marriage, think about how you can modify both yourself and your mindset. And he should do the same and make equal efforts to keep this marriage together. For a fresh start, a new base of trust must be established. On the other hand, whether you want to end this marriage or whether you want to give it another shot. Do not haste; this is a crucial decision. When making this important decision, remember that your two children’s future depends on it.
Give both you and your spouse adequate time and room to consider this. Also, consult your relatives and friends for advice. Consult a relationship specialist since they can provide you with the space and environment necessary for you both to understand the matter as a whole and come up with a solution that will promote your mental well-being.
His Story
Marriage is a lovely relationship that involves trust, respect, and love. You’ve mentioned that you no longer find your wife attractive since you two don’t have a strong emotional connection and she’s always yelling at you. As a result, you have begun an affair. and you genuinely like her because you have a strong emotional and physical connection with her. I know you like this new affair very much and you love your kids too. But this fact should be taken into consideration. that your wife could care for your children better than any other woman in the world.
No matter how sweet that new lady may be, if you choose to marry her, she will always remain a stepmother. Moreover, since it is a new relationship, everything seems wonderful to you. However, as time goes on, every relationship faces some difficulties. Given the above factors, you need to consider giving your marriage a second chance. You need to talk to your wife about the issues you’ve been having because of her attitude. You should clearly express how bad and disrespectful you feel when she yells at you.
Try to understand her justifications for acting so rudely as well. It’s possible that she’s stressed out from household duties, job or other things. Talk about the attitude and behaviour adjustments you both need to make for a fresh start in this marriage. Stay close to loved ones as you need emotional support and ask for advice in this situation.
Marriages can last when both partners are dedicated to healing and mending their bonds. However, if you and your wife decide that your marriage cannot survive and you would prefer to split after discussing the matter, you should seek expert advice. An expert can assist both of you in making a better decision on this crucial matter. keeping in mind one’s mental health.
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