Query: Whenever my wife and I get into a terrible fight, she gets violent. She physically pushes me and even sometimes, hits me! Now if I were to turn back and do the same thing, then it means I would be physically violating my wife. I am very disturbed. What am I supposed to do?
Response by Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh: First, try to understand, why is it that both of you are fighting so much that it is leading to physical or verbal abuse. It’s a big no in a relationship. When a man says that he wants to slap his wife, it becomes a big uproar. When women do the same thing, it is not taken into so much importance. Women feel, if men are progressing and becoming a lot more powerful in power, financially and emotionally, then why can’t they feel the same?
However, it is important to know that empowerment does not come with screaming or shouting. It comes with loving your partner with patience. Empowerment comes with keeping quiet when things are going out of hand.
By getting angry any relationship is not going to be good at all. Fights are healthy in a relationship but if there’s physical violence, abusiveness, cussing and emotional abuse, it’s a complete NO. Try to think deeply and answer the following questions with your partner:
Why is this happening? What can be done to resolve this?
What are the underlying issues of this issue?
Your wife must be very frustrated and may have some underlying issues that need to be addressed since she is coming out with so much anger and physical abuse. The best ingredient of the relationship is communication. Talk to her. Listen to what she has to say. All of us have good days and bad days with our partner but let her know that her physical violence is a big NO for you. It is important to solve the issue by sitting down together. Communicating would really help.
Secondly, going to a professional counsellor can really help as well.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD – Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert